Need sex. Gaining weight.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
