White coat. Heels.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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