smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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