Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
