Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
