I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
