Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
