I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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