shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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