I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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