eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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