well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
