How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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