3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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