pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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