WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
