This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
