at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
