i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
