Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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