I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
