He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize