And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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