Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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