You're so nebulous sometimes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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