hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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