This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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