The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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