All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
