That's when you crack a 10am beer
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
