I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
