Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
