I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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