She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
