dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
