stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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