the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
