i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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