Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
