omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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