I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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