Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
