I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
