Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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