We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm jealous of your bromance
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
