i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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