My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
