My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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