I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
