why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I AM VODKA MAN
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
