So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
